I've been ...

I've been in love ... twice
I fall in love with my first love everyday
guess what
I no longer have my other love
I think of my other love ... still
I express my love for my other love using my first love
my first love ... poetry
have never broken my heart
always have been patient
my first love ... poetry
never made me feel like I'm not good enough
never made me feel like my love wasn't good enough
my other love, on other hand that's a different story
I've been in love ... twice
I'm a flawed piece of work, that I know
my first love understands that
I'm growing
I'm molding myself into a better individual
my first love is still here
my other love, well there that's a different story
I've left pieces of me with my first love
I gain better insight of myself from the pieces I left with my first
I'm still giving my first love pieces of me
I left pieces of me with my other love
I lost myself giving pieces of me to my other love
I've realized not everyone know how to care for me


I've only been in love ... twice

everyday is made to love

I know I say this well I write it a lot but I do think way too much
All this thinking
 my mind bursting with thoughts, ideas, you, you, you, you
And still I can't find the words to ever express myself
what the fuck is wrong with me?
no, seriously what the fuck is wrong with me?
I get around you, you, you,you
just you, I get tongue tied
like I don't know what to say
I lose my breath
my mind bursting with thoughts
thoughts that are spilling everywhere .... except spilling out of my mouth to you, you, you, you
you, my beloved
I think ... well you see that's exactly my problem I think entirely too much
I'm trying to find meaning
meaning in between lines
meaning in hearts drawn with your name next to them
I love you
I do, truly and honestly
yet I'm still trying to shy from it because I don't want to end up smothering you
love.in love. love. live in it, live it, everyday is made to love
I wanna glow with love, in love
I want to stand in it, firmly yet ever so gently that it'll handle your heart with such care
I want my heart to be handle with care
fragile
I'm not, I don't look it
fragile
please handle with care
I'm rather difficult to love
please handle with care
everyday is made to love
lets live in it
stand in it
FIRMLY might I add
everyday is made to love

shades of then and now

the sky have many shades
just like you
yesterday you were so transparent
I couldn't be more in love with who you I saw
I know you
you showed me you
then night came
the darkness consumed you
I couldn't comprehend and grasp who you've become
but I forgot
that certain darkness is needed to see the stars

half of me

half of me is stored in between margins
half of me is stored in pictures
the other half is lost in my head
drowning in my thoughts
the thoughts that I keep to myself
the ones that are chewing pieces of me away
I only have the half of me that's between margins to give
I'm still trying to figure out the other half of me
the other half that's lost
bare with me

this is not a love poem

I’m not easy to love

I keep most things to myself

I write a lot

I put you, whoever you are neatly between margins

The margins in my notebook

The invisible margins in the back page of my favorite book

The digital margins in my notes app on my phone

I’m not easy to love

I’m warning you

But I’ll love you with breath, memories, and words

I’ll write about when you make me smile

I’ll write about when you don’t make me smile

I’ll write about when you forget things

I’ll write

It’s what I know

It’s how I breathe

It’s how I survive

I’m not easy to love

I think too much

And say too little

I may not love you the way you want to be loved

But I’ll love you with all of me

I’ll love you with breath, memories, and words

I’ll love you like I love to breathe

Writing is how I breathe

I’ll put you between margins

It’s how I breathe

I want a love

I want extraordinary love
I want a love that's unconditional
I want a love that's genuine
I want a love that stays
I want a love that's real
I want a love that inspire me
I want a love that's not complicated
I don't want a hidden love
I don't want a secret love
I don't want a love that comes and goes
I don't want an ordinary love
I want extraordinary love

end of the road.

You knew
I knew
that it was the end of the road.

I'm not perfect.

I'm not perfect
I know that
You know that, you put it on your agenda to remind me as much as possible too
After all, you're not the only one that remind me every chance possible
I KNOW I'M NOT PERFECT
I've accepted that
but you didn't
I've embrace my flaws
I'm comfortable with my flaws
I work on my flaws, sometimes
I'm too negative sometimes
I have high hopes at times
but then I'm reminded that I'm too flawed
too imperfect
It's your voices whispering in the shadow of my thoughts
I try to ignore them
only for them to get louder
I'm not perfect
I know that
I love that I'm not perfect
I just wish you love me for my imperfect self
you're not perfect either, you know
I just wish that I don't have to mold myself into someone you want
I just wish I don't have to feel like I'm not good enough
I know I'm not perfect
I don't have to be reminded every chance possible

broken.

I get lost, often
my mind wanders places and I lose myself
I drown, often
my wind over flows with thoughts
feeling so small in the midst of a crowd
I lose myself, too often
I don't say much
I think too much
I do too little
that's why I get lost, too often
Cause I'm playing scenarios of how things should go in my mind
but they never play out how I think them
I don't cry often
when I do, it's a chip have been lifted off my shoulders
It's a feelings I like
It's a feeling I don't like, cause I hate to be so emotionally naked
crying makes me feel naked
exposed
I get lost, often
yesterday I got lost
and I drowned while I was trying to find my way back
I've been broken
the broken pieces have been glued together
the scars remain
but the glue is not enough
it was never enough
I don't see the whole picture
I just see the places where it was glued back together
I get lost, often
in the moments that I write, I briefly find myself
that's when I stop drowning