I've fallen & I can't get up.

I've tried to look beyond the words that I fear would be there in fine print. Soon I saw them, my heart shattered, my eyes close and my body shook. Eyes close, darkness consume me and DAMN was all I can think. How did I let myself fall this far down the hole? I got lost in this path, and I look from left to right and there's no one in sight. I hear the voices but I don't see anyone. I've fallen & I can't get up. All of a sudden this chair I sit in feel huge as I shrink into it. I don't think there's a comeback for this one, I've fallen many times but I've always risen above. I've crawled out the many holes I've fallen, but THIS ONE, THIS ONE I feel it deep in my soul that there's no coming back from it. I rarely apologize for shit I've done but for this, this alone I apologize from the bottom of my empty heart. I've really fallen beyond return. Feel like a soldier missing in action. I'm in a dry dessert and I can't see what's in front of me. I can't even see my feet. Through all this there's a light shining on me emphasizing on flaws and all. I'll whisper my apologizes for the wind to carry to you. This is the END of me I swear.


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Overflowing

Sometimes my mind overflows with thoughts; and I feel like I will surely explode. Days past and yet my mind find ways to pour its content out though my hands don't itch to write. I hate talking about my emotions, soon I start talking about how I feel my voice starts to shake. Writing have become my way of expressing myself. My mind tend to wonder too much when its too quiet. I'm thinking faster than I can write so I guess I'll wait till I explode cause these overflowing thoughts aren't all going to get out. GRRRRRRRR well at least some escape though not seen. I guess some things are to remain a mystery.

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For a fool who never seems to learn.... I guess

On a mission to save myself from drowing from these thoughts. Save myself from the words you keep throwing at me like bricks. You're suppose to help build me yet you're tearing me apart piece by piece without even acknowledging. Acknowledging I'm breaking apart right in front of your eyes..... ok THIS, UNHUNH THIS HAVE GOT TO STOP! and so it STOPS. It's my turn to build myself up again and now in turn show you, your mistakes. I'm not out to destroy your ego but I'm out to teach you a lesson that you will remember, you willl remember that it will make you the MAN that you ought to be. The MAN you should have been ALREADY. You know all those times you were tearing me up, you were taking yourself along for the ride. The damage you caused to me, was twice the wreck to yourself. So you see you made yourself only worse by trying to tear me down to the last strings of me. I will never let not a soul destroy me. I will destroy you first before you get me.

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It be like that sometimes.

You never see  pain on my face. The smile is here so people don't ask questions but inside I die. These words are the tears that I REFUSE to cry.  I keep the emotions compressed inside. They say pressure bust pipes but it also makes diamonds so I guess I'll shine till I shatter into pieces. Then you can pick those pieces up and remember me. Remember the tears that I never cried, the smiles that were my mask, the words written here, the skip I had in my step from time to time, the outfit I wore when I met you, the day I picked up the pen to stop the betrayal of HER words and her promises . Remember me!! The smile of a mask  that prevented people from asking "what's wrong?" so I kept that smile painted on my face.  I hate being questioned because I don't like to be figured out. Questions asked.. blank stare.. I don't wanna reveal anything about me, I like to remain a mystery. Don't ask me why because I HATE getting questioned!  My eyes are always dry 'cause I will never cry. I think I did enough crying already for me to ever cry again. I've lost most that's dear to my heart. With high expectations comes disappointment. It be like that sometimes.

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