"I'm not from here"

I'm sitting in my house where I really don't want to be right now. I'm contemplating whether I should write what I'm about to write. I've been really fustrated since I came home saturday morning. I don't wanna be here, it's like soon I'm up at school that's when people really give it shit. Funny there's this stupid looking bunny on the fridge that say "How can I miss you if you won't go away." When I'm gone relationships work so much better.That's one reason people can be really good friends until they live together.
You ask me who the fuck I'm talking to? I tell you nobody then you disappear and don't say shit when you do. What the fuck am I suppose to think?I feel like you're trying to get rid of me by asking if I'm trying to get rid of you? Reverse psychology I think it is. I pray I am not a fool for believing in people again. I can't go through the process of closing all out. That's why I write 'cuz I'm tired of people always tryna pull shit on me. What the fuck do you take me for?
As I'm writing this I still contemplate the sentences to follow. Am I living in a state of illusion? I don't know.
I notice I ask a lot of questions but neer get the direct answer to them...or no answer at all. Right now everything fustrates me...seriously I need to spread my fucking wings and fly the fuck away.
People in my kay would never understand.
All I'm trying to do is make a difference so why not cut the rope you people got tied to my feet. Give a sister a lil space to breathe. Due to all the bullshit that occur I write...DOn't take this into meaning.
*This is my means of getting anger out.* I'm not trying to be harsh.

Sleep x__x

Sleep is like alcohol
Its so smooth&provides a sense of euphora
When I wake up tomorrow
I hope I can forget all that happen today
I will focus on the present
Got me on my knees eyes toward the sky praying
When will this day end?
When will I have peace of mind?
Sleep...come be the alcohol that smoothly makes its way to the bloodstream
A sense of euphorism is all I want right now
I want sleep to come erase the happenings of today from my mind
The anger inside
Give me strength to scream
To hold tighter to those I cherish
For I feel like their slipping away slowly
I feel like he is loosening his grip on my hand
Please hold tighter
That I hope sleep doesn't erase from me
I've said enough for tonight and so I must sleep x__x

My tears

I shed tears through my words
I don't let them fall from my eyes but my finger tips
I just won't let them..

Thoughts by the water

I was running with my sister earlier and I looked at the water though oh so nasty in the day time. At night it look quite good, its the way the light reflect on it and the ripple effect from the breeze. We keep walking we had stopped running then and I saw a white bird fly so close to the water yet without touching it and I felt like I can sit here all night and write but I wish Teddy was here to see it and enjoy it too. I miss him. Looking at the water this is what came to mind:

Her spirits floats on the water
Bird flew so close
That it snatched her soul
Her face became faint in my vision
There was a drop of water that came from the sky
It was as if she was crying
Tears I couldn't decipher when blend in with the water
I watch as the bird continues its flight
To the sky unknown to me
It white feathers showed her pureness
Dear mother oh how I wish I can see your face one more time
Hear your tender voice one last time
As the years go by the fainter you become in my memory
With just three pictures I paint your face again in my mind
Your gracefulness never forgotten
Your tender spirit surrounds me so smoothly
Though at times your face gets faint
I paint you with my words
I frame you with my heart
I shield you with my soul
There's only so much I can do
I hold you so dear in my heart
Like you held me when I was a baby
As the years go by your touch no longer lingers
When I look in the mirror your reflection looks at me with so much
love
I embrace your tender eyes in the mirror
Yet I reflect daddy's pain
If only I held tighter

Je me manque maman

The coldest hour of the night

Sleeping tight... thoughts of him lingers on my mind
As I drift away to a place where I can still feel his fingers tracing my body
Leaving a mark on my soul
With just one touch there's so much it does to me
I turn to face the wall
Memories flooding my mind
Pain shudder my heart
As I sleep,I feel a tear roll down my face
It was cold, made me shiver
That's my coldest hour of the night it's like 4 or 5
Not sure what number it is I'm dazed
Feeling the shivers dominating my body
I wrap myself tighter in my blanket
And my mind lingers back to him
I slightly open my eyes
I see his tall lenient figure in the dark
He steps closer to me and lay next to me
His body radiates warmth
He wraps his arms around me
I no longer feel cold
I drift back into a slight "tabula rasa" with only him in mind
I sleep soundly
When I woke up his warmth was there but he wasn't
Yet I still feel his presence
Coldest hour of the night was when I realized that he wa...

Delicate

I'm as delicate as a flower yet I'm as harsh as harsh can be
I look like a butterfly yet sting like a bee
I can be smooth as smooth can be but yet just as rough
I'm delicate but I don't carry myself like I'm breakable
I'm not glass so I don't break
I'm not sugar or salt so I don't melt
Bu who I am is: The delicacy of my mother,The pride of my father... the list goes on... But I am never that flower whom you say have an odor
For you see I have a scent
I tingle your nose with my scent
My scent you quite can't put a word to it
I'm a delicate flower that doesn't wither away so easy

Unspoken

I've set my foot down on the things I want to accomplish
I've shed a lot of tears for all the mountains I've climb
The ones I've lost most dear to my heart...
They are unspoken
But they are written on a tablet in my heart
Forever engraved in my memory
Gone but never forgotten..
Unspoken but yet felt through the words I write of you
I will let the whole world know now that i've gained the courage to speak your name without a tear
Unspoken but yet known...
I love you and no one can ever take your places..
R.I.P Mom and Dad