Gift

It was given to me.. though at first I didn't know how to accept it.. how to carry it. This gift was certainly different... it wasn't just one thing but many to form one..The gift was the kink in her hair, the shine in her eyes when she smile, her friendship. Always there whenever I needed a friend... her Jamaican accent... her Puerto Rican accent. Her persistence... him always listening.. what more can I ask for? It was like this gift was crafted just for me... Within this gift we're like backbones to each other. I'm thankful for this gift..

Remembering

Its been 15 years since my mother past away. I miss her, I wish I got to know her more but unfortunately I didn't. The more years that passes by, the more I miss her. It was real disrepectful for that lil niqqa to say something about my mom and dad. Feel like 12.9.1995 is being played in front of me all over again. I don't cry for anything but as I write this and remember that saturday morning that she turned to face the wall, never to turn back tears flow from my eyes. I have no heart, dad was half mom was the other half but both were ripped from my chest. It's an empty space in my chest. Remembering them both today well I remember them everyday. Gone but NEVER forgotten.
R.I.P. Mom '95
R.I.P Dad '07

Forever&Maturity

As I lay in this path... the past flows like a stream under me slowly carrying me away. I want that stream to dry up and fade away but it always seems to find its way back to me and get a tight grip. Its not even in a good way but in annoying way. Seriously you're the PAST stay there, I dont want you in this moment well NOT EVER. The moment I said goodbye, I was gone, vanished as I finished the last syllable. Seems like a low-life always hacking people shit. I said to myself I wasnt gonna be mean but you wanna act like a child... According to researchers you're suppose to mature over time [Jean Piaget<- psychologist]. AS you age there comes a level of maturity but seems like you didnt reach maturity yet. As I think about it, I didnt even love you it was just strong liking. Led you to believe that this shit was gonna last forever. Your forever was forever forever but my forever was like a year well a lil less. How you gonna say one thing all lovey dovey [softassniqqa] and then when I walk away from the thing that is was "US" you gonna act like you hard. Here's a lil letter to you...

Dear lil person,
Grow up and treat your mother as the Phenomenal woman she is... Your relationships will never last if you think the woman gotta put up with your childish behavior cuz forreal the door will always be OPEN.. out the door they will vanish like smoke.. lucky you I gave you chances. I was the reality of your dreams but I will become your NIGHTMARE.
Sincerely& Truthfully
The girl that NEVER loved you
So its annoying how my status on aim be changing like a ghost was typing shit. Why check my shit if you say you don't care, seriously MOVE ON 'cause I sure did. INSECURITY dominate you, that was never an issue for me or maybe I simply didn't care. I don't even have a dick but you seem to be on it HARDBODY.
. I'm not even tryna be harsh but baby you asked for this. Pardon my back... Slowly walking away as you fade to NOTHING.

CLOSED.

The door to my heart is shut, but I will keep an open mind. In the process of loving everybody, my heart got tired... for a while love was a burden 'cuz I had to carry you and your package. Brother acting like a model person. Only I know for behind closed doors everything is different. You are a walking portrait. How can the one thing you claim you cherish you act like he doesnt exist when a certain person is around. A brother get mad when I say music is not my dream. I can't live MY life with your dreams... If I do I'm just setting myself up for SELF DESTRUCT. In all this my heart got tired of loving. This heart I have is tired of having to love you and your burdens. The blood that I have pumping in me is slowly fading to black... kinda like how you're fading. You're vanishing like smoke from a chimney. You're slipping from my fingers wait no its the other way around and now I'm falling and theres nothing to fall back upon. From now on the door to my heart is CLOSED well maybe I might keep it closed forever but I will have an open mind.

Thanks

Happy thanksgiving. As this day pass by, I think to myself about all that I'm thankful for. There's so many people that contribute to my being here today and I'm thankful. My heart sing a song, 'cuz when all hope is gone... my heart always have a melody in it.

Todays conversation: The things behind the success of mainstream artists. Its crazy how much people would give for fame and money....There'll be more on this topic later.. right now I can't find the means to write.

Gone

I stare at the empty whole in my heart in the mirror. I look closer I see my heart cry. There are so many things I want to say but the inspiration to write is gone.

Behind the scenes

I stand behind the curtain awaiting my turn to speak. I look right and I look left there's nobody there anymore it's just me. The whispers in the audience got my palm sweating and knees shaking and suddenly my throat becomes dry. The curtains open and the spotlight shine on me and everybody in the audience disappear. It really is just me here. I pace back and forth trying to figure out what I'm going to say. I open my mouth and the audience comes alive and the whispers stop. After all is done, they all stand and clap for they were waiting for me to speak. Behind the scenes all the emotion that I had put in my words disappear for I had to get to reality. Behind the scenes they saw me broke apart and put together again in a matter of seconds... thats how I had to it... behind the scenes. Men are Overrated but not all..