if only

if only we write wrote poems to communicate with each other 

poems that are only meant  for you and I 

poems that keeps the love alive

poems that’d make you laugh and smile when you’re sitting alone

keeping our love sacred

keeping our love alive for when we are gone

poems that you can show your children and your grand children 

when you tell them about your love, our love

poems that highlighted every memory in between the lines 

poems that become became lullabies when you can’t couldn’t sleep

but only a silly girl would believe 

that poems would keep something that’s falling apart together

never forget

How can you forget figi manman’w?

She comes to you in your dreams

She’s the shadow walking with you

How can you forget her face?

She’s your marassa; she’s the one behind the glass in the mirror looking back at you

How can you forget the kaban san matla you slept on?

It’s made from your worn memories

Your papa callused hands

Your manman delicate rough hands

The dark green dress you wore when you were 6* still tucked in the right upper hand corner of the kaban

Sonje tout ti moso sa yo 

Those little pieces that keep you sane on most days

Sometimes yo pa ase

Sometimes you dig the pen in your left arm to watch the blood … to remember that you are one in the same out of the four

Lonely but never alone

For your manman walks with you in the shadows

Look at you through the mirror

For your papa whisper in your ears

Reminding you that you are one in the same out of the four

*

Figi manman’w: your mother’s face

Marassa: twin

Kaban san matla: bed without a mattress

Sonje tout ti moso sa yo: remember all those little pieces

yo pa ase: they are not enough

feeling alone amongst all these people. :( 

why is that?

I love love

I love love.
I can't seem to grasp it fully, ever
can I hold you tight tonight and loosen the grip tomorrow night?
I love love.
I can't seem to willingly just let myself go and embrace it
can it be that my childhood scar'd me that bad, I can't embrace love for all it grandeur?
I love love.
love is not pain ... the bible told me so
not that I read the bible recently
Scared of love ... but I love love
can you teach me to embrace love?
habibti, am I too reserved with myself?
Is there such a thing as being too reserved?
Isn't it being mysterious enough to keep you interested as time wrap us in itself?
can I just be mysterious so there's always something new to learn about me ?
I love love.
can you just hold me sometimes habibti?
do you think about me as much as I think about you habibti?
I love love, but will you teach me to embrace love and to never let it go?

blame game

doubts arise 

love whither; hearts broken

I vowed to never be the victim

I vowed to be the heartbreaker

both feet in but one  slightly out 

I can’t just let it all go 

lose myself 

become one with you

fuck love I’m tired of trying

my heart big but it beat quiet

you tell me you love me 

you told her  you don’t love me

playing on two teams

but what happens when the two teams play each other

where do you stand?

ask questions, there are no answers

fuck love I’m tired of trying

my heart big but it beat quiet 

close my eyes and whisper those two lines to myself

you do your dirt, I do my dirt

it’s a dirty game being played

but let’s play the blame game

I love you

people put up fronts on the internet but in reality a lot of shit eat you inside. Regardless of what happened you just got to keep it moving. Life is too short to be letting others stress you.

stuck

trying to see past my nose 

but I can't see past those

those who cover my eyes

trying to shelter me with lies

It's not right 

that you don't want me to see the light

you say one thing to me 

another to she

torn between decisions and reasons

but this isn't for seasons

only

it's not for when you get lonely

I'm stuck

stuck between decisions and reasons ... that's just my luck