I'm not perfect.

I'm not perfect
I know that
You know that, you put it on your agenda to remind me as much as possible too
After all, you're not the only one that remind me every chance possible
I KNOW I'M NOT PERFECT
I've accepted that
but you didn't
I've embrace my flaws
I'm comfortable with my flaws
I work on my flaws, sometimes
I'm too negative sometimes
I have high hopes at times
but then I'm reminded that I'm too flawed
too imperfect
It's your voices whispering in the shadow of my thoughts
I try to ignore them
only for them to get louder
I'm not perfect
I know that
I love that I'm not perfect
I just wish you love me for my imperfect self
you're not perfect either, you know
I just wish that I don't have to mold myself into someone you want
I just wish I don't have to feel like I'm not good enough
I know I'm not perfect
I don't have to be reminded every chance possible

broken.

I get lost, often
my mind wanders places and I lose myself
I drown, often
my wind over flows with thoughts
feeling so small in the midst of a crowd
I lose myself, too often
I don't say much
I think too much
I do too little
that's why I get lost, too often
Cause I'm playing scenarios of how things should go in my mind
but they never play out how I think them
I don't cry often
when I do, it's a chip have been lifted off my shoulders
It's a feelings I like
It's a feeling I don't like, cause I hate to be so emotionally naked
crying makes me feel naked
exposed
I get lost, often
yesterday I got lost
and I drowned while I was trying to find my way back
I've been broken
the broken pieces have been glued together
the scars remain
but the glue is not enough
it was never enough
I don't see the whole picture
I just see the places where it was glued back together
I get lost, often
in the moments that I write, I briefly find myself
that's when I stop drowning

if only

if only we write wrote poems to communicate with each other 

poems that are only meant  for you and I 

poems that keeps the love alive

poems that’d make you laugh and smile when you’re sitting alone

keeping our love sacred

keeping our love alive for when we are gone

poems that you can show your children and your grand children 

when you tell them about your love, our love

poems that highlighted every memory in between the lines 

poems that become became lullabies when you can’t couldn’t sleep

but only a silly girl would believe 

that poems would keep something that’s falling apart together

never forget

How can you forget figi manman’w?

She comes to you in your dreams

She’s the shadow walking with you

How can you forget her face?

She’s your marassa; she’s the one behind the glass in the mirror looking back at you

How can you forget the kaban san matla you slept on?

It’s made from your worn memories

Your papa callused hands

Your manman delicate rough hands

The dark green dress you wore when you were 6* still tucked in the right upper hand corner of the kaban

Sonje tout ti moso sa yo 

Those little pieces that keep you sane on most days

Sometimes yo pa ase

Sometimes you dig the pen in your left arm to watch the blood … to remember that you are one in the same out of the four

Lonely but never alone

For your manman walks with you in the shadows

Look at you through the mirror

For your papa whisper in your ears

Reminding you that you are one in the same out of the four

*

Figi manman’w: your mother’s face

Marassa: twin

Kaban san matla: bed without a mattress

Sonje tout ti moso sa yo: remember all those little pieces

yo pa ase: they are not enough

feeling alone amongst all these people. :( 

why is that?

I love love

I love love.
I can't seem to grasp it fully, ever
can I hold you tight tonight and loosen the grip tomorrow night?
I love love.
I can't seem to willingly just let myself go and embrace it
can it be that my childhood scar'd me that bad, I can't embrace love for all it grandeur?
I love love.
love is not pain ... the bible told me so
not that I read the bible recently
Scared of love ... but I love love
can you teach me to embrace love?
habibti, am I too reserved with myself?
Is there such a thing as being too reserved?
Isn't it being mysterious enough to keep you interested as time wrap us in itself?
can I just be mysterious so there's always something new to learn about me ?
I love love.
can you just hold me sometimes habibti?
do you think about me as much as I think about you habibti?
I love love, but will you teach me to embrace love and to never let it go?

blame game

doubts arise 

love whither; hearts broken

I vowed to never be the victim

I vowed to be the heartbreaker

both feet in but one  slightly out 

I can’t just let it all go 

lose myself 

become one with you

fuck love I’m tired of trying

my heart big but it beat quiet

you tell me you love me 

you told her  you don’t love me

playing on two teams

but what happens when the two teams play each other

where do you stand?

ask questions, there are no answers

fuck love I’m tired of trying

my heart big but it beat quiet 

close my eyes and whisper those two lines to myself

you do your dirt, I do my dirt

it’s a dirty game being played

but let’s play the blame game

I love you